Help for men

How men may react

When first hearing that your partner is pregnant, you may be:

• Positive and excited at the possibility of fatherhood
• Shocked due to the unexpectedness of situation
• Fearful because of circumstantial pressures

All people can react differently in a crisis and when faced with a pregnancy choice men need time to come to terms with everything too. Neither a man nor a woman should make a decision about a pregnancy choice based on fear, panic or pressure.

When it comes to deciding

Some men feel it’s better or easier to stay out of the decision-making process because pregnancy is to do with a woman's body and it appears to be just the woman's choice. Some men just feel helpless. But most women are deeply affected by the way their partners respond to the pregnancy.

You may, as a man, feel relieved that you don't have to make the final decision. Many men say to their partners “I'll support you whatever you decide...” This can feel like the best thing to say, but it often just places the burden entirely on the woman’s shoulders, at a time when she may be struggling to come to terms with what has happened and really needs your input.

It's important for everyone that men have the same time and space to consider their thoughts and feelings about the pregnancy and the options open to them and their partner:

Parenting - We can help you explore how you feel about continuing the pregnancy and becoming a parent.

Termination of Pregnancy - We can provide information about what's involved with an abortion and a space to explore how you feel.

Adoption - We can look into the practicalities of this process and how it might affect you.

Supporting your partner

Many women try to just sense what their partners really want and go along with it because they are afraid they will lose the relationship. She needs reassurance that you're there for her and will be whatever happens. She needs to know what you really think and feel too.

You can support your partner by:

• reassuring her that you are there for her
• not leaving her to make the decision alone
• talking meaningfully together to find out the best way forward for both of you
• drawing closer to her rather than pulling away
• carefully considering the information about your options, together
• sharing the responsibility for the situation with your partner

You can request an appointmenwith Reflect if you would like to talk, either by yourself or with your partner.

Our free support service is available to anyone living in North Yorkshire.

We are able to offer remote support via telephone and video appointments.

We have centres in York, Harrogate, Selby and Thirsk.